The Truth About Your Twenties, Five Lessons Learnt

First of all, how the hell did I even get here?! This is the last year in my twenties and I am reflecting on the path my life has taken.

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I was JUST an undergrad looking at a bright clear future of where my life was heading. I had clear timelines of how I’d spend the rest if my twenties and I was so sure and happy about it. Let’s see: At age 24 I’d have a career starting in the Criminal Justice field; a fresh face with a lot of potential, at 25 I’d be on the rise making all the money I envisioned after going to school and getting higher education like ‘they’ assured will be the only way to go. Between 28 and 29 I would have travelled a whole lot and seen enough that I’d be okay with settling down and finding a husband to start my little picket fence family like ‘they’ say is the way life should go. That way by 30 I will be that established boss of a woman that I worked so hard to build will all my ducks in a row.

Now rewind….like go all the way back to me graduating at 24. Listen, nothing went according to plan I was definitely in a bubble and didn’t realize that life takes a lot of unexpected turns – adulthood is different and I was not mentally prepared. We are definitely spoiled in the Caribbean! Between 18 – 23 no one really see you as an adult to begin with; we get spoiled with being under our parents’ wings much longer than usual   (please note that it does not stop further into adulthood).

I digress….

As I was saying, my twenties absolutely did not go according to my plan. I booked a ticket to England my last year of school on a whim, and six months before my trip I found out I was pregnant. My emotions were up in the air both from being pregnant and because my life plan started to go left. I still travelled at five months pregnant and enjoyed the hell out of that trip alone. I am still peeping out the window for the fast blossoming career I envisioned. This is where lessons were learnt. When we are busy making our own plans God laughs at us. Sitting back I have come to realize five important things:

  1. Things do not always go according to plan

While I thought my life plan was perfect, the way things fell in to place was different but good nevertheless. The road to life accomplishments have numerous paths and I have learnt that diversion is okay. It is never an easy pill to swallow to see things take a different turn, diversion comes with sadness, resentment, anger, and much more emotions that you are entitled to feel.

  1. Success comes in different walks

If the fact that 4 year old kids are playing with toys on YouTube and making more money than you isn’t humbling then I don’t know what is! I admire people with talent- craftsmen, dancers, singers- artists of all kind. Damn I wish I had some of those talents. Tertiary education is important, but so is trade, there are many routes to success. Finding your strength and passion and building on it matters the most. I don’t know about you but I am thankful for good music to get lost in.

  1. Stop comparing

Yeah yeah we have heard it a million times “comparison is the thief of joy” but listen, this is a fact! Raise your hand if you have ever compared yourself to someone else. Social media can definitely make you feel like you are ten steps behind. Truth is, everyone easily share their wins – losses are hidden. We see it all the time, the peak of the social media influencers’ life is displayed and the moment they face hardship they disappear without warning.  All of a sudden they want their privacy to be respected. We on season three of your life and we want answers *grabs popcorn*!

  1. Protect your inner peace

Nothing will be able to phase you that deeply when you are in a mentally peaceful place in your life! To ensure your peace of mind, choose your crowd wisely.

  1. Know your worth

This is definitely not limited to women only! You tolerate a lot less crap when you know what you deserve. What is of value to you, may not hold value to someone else and that okay; know when it’s time to move on.

 

To sum up the truth about my twenties, life is a host of unexpected turns and I am exactly where I need to be at this time…

Sincerely, Tee

A Slap in the Face

That’s what you get for showing a little love…

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I have gotten bitten in the face here and there also. Oh, and he thinks its funny! My 2-year-old sure has a special way of saying ” I love you too” when he’s not up for using his words lol. If you have a toddler this may not be new to you.

While hitting is not condoned; not even for a toddler, persons show their love in different ways.

How do you show your kids love? These are 5 ways I say “I love you” to my not-so baby:

  1. I comfort him when he is hurt
  2. I say ‘No’ when necessary
  3. I correct him even though I know he have a meltdown
  4. I brush his teeth even when he gives me a hard time
  5. I simply tell him I love him – He says it back most times lol

Adults have problems expressing their emotions, therefore we cannot expect children to be verse in that area. While it can be difficult to be patient with your tantrum- throwing toddler * breathes in and out* just know that they are people too; little ones.

There are quite a lot of times that I cannot stifle my laughter when my child does something ridiculous. This weekend, he decided to pee in bucket while waiting to take a bath. At least he knows that something need to be there catch the pee and it does not go on the floor right?!

How can you not love kids? Even with the tantrums ever so often I love being a mama to my tiny human.

Let us know what you do to show your kids love!

Sincerely, Tee

Growing ALONE!

Yes alone…personal growth.

I was scared into independence. From an early age I felt the urge to do it on my own, you know, just in case I was left defenseless I would be good. I would have my own back. Don’t get me wrong I was lucky to have a support system; I was just worried because systems have a timeline. I see goals as extremely important, without goals you wander around aimlessly.

What are you doing? Where are you headed? What is the plan? What do you want?

Having no answers to those questions can make anyone worried and fearful of their future.

Now imagine: In the midst of your growth, someone else’s uncertainty is tied in to your journey of growth. Where does that leave you?

Confused? Worried? Doubtful?

This now leaves two confused beings; a recipe for disaster.

Your personal growth journey is for YOU. It is not healthy or fair to involve someone in your uncertainty after they have personally grown and is sure of their desires.

The outcome……

Wasted time, resentment, dead ends.

We all owe it to ourselves and others the grow alone before growing together. Figure out wants and hopes individually so that the compatibility test is figured out early.

Happy growing ALONE… Find out who YOU are!

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Sincerely, Tee

You Keep Missin’ the Moment

Maybe I will be happier when I get a better job…

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I think only when I move out on my own I will be able to focus on myself…

Not now, maybe in a couple of years when everything is exactly where I want it…

Are you hearing yourself?

Postponing your happiness, Delaying your dreams, putting off your desires. You really believe that your heart will be content in another moment?

Do not EVER make that mistake!

There will always be something else; another desire, another materialistic item, another relationship. If you keep postponing your happiness what will become of your life? Spending your life constantly waiting for another moment to be truly satisfied.

Looking back will be full of regrets. You would have missed the blessings of living in the moment and living with countless memories of always wanting to be somewhere else, with someone else, doing something else.

The best feeling is forgetting that huge to-do list that will annoy you tomorrow and living your best life NOW!

Live in the now, tomorrow God’s willing will be there for you to conquer.

Sincerely, Tee

Searching for Light

I can’t see, I can’t feel, there is no bottom.

Where am I? How did I get here? I am so lost…

It all happened so sudden, the wave of confusion, the change in frequency.

Have you ever found yourself figuratively standing in the middle of nowhere? One minute you have your shit together and the next minute you’re scrambling to pick up pieces of what was your life just yesterday.

Life is so unpredictable, one thing for sure is that nothing is sure. The drastic change hits you like a ton of bricks.

How do you prepare for the dark hole moment in your life that may or may not come? The sudden loss of your job, debt, getting out of a long-term relationship. That loss of familiarity; the comfort of consistency. Spiraling into the dark hole.

Will there ever be light? Will I stay here forever?

When does the light begin to peak through?

This place of darkness is saddening. Depressing.

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But there is a light. The place where you can breathe on your own. Your journey to finding it will be different to anyone’s. Sometimes we are placed in difficult situations to open our eyes; to push us in a place of awareness. How do you assess your predicament and make adjustment accordingly?

Start by asking yourself thought-provoking questions:

  1. How did I end up in this situation?
  2. Do I have the ability to make changes?
  3. What is the first step to make that change?
  4. Am I being supported or suppressed in my quest?
  5. What is my end goal ; my interpretation of a successful search?

Life is a journey that was never promised to be easy. Wishing you the courage to keep moving towards your light!

Sincerely, Tee

But how?

Yeah you can stay, but this is my way,

You can stay , but you’ll just be in my way.

You can stay, but I’m just tolerating you,

You can stay but I really can’t stand you.

Sure you can stay, if you must…

Yes sure stay, even though it will cost!

Do you have to stay? Don’t feel obligated to…

Okay maybe I should go, the signs are pointing so,

Yeah you can go if you want to, I’m not going to force you.

Silence…

I think I’ll just leave; give you a sense of relief.

Okay…

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Now that I’m gone, the pressure is no more,

Now that I’m gone, the show must go on.

But how?

I didn’t TELL you to leave, you did so on your own.

Oh… pushing me to the door must have been all for show.

Sincerely, Tee

I am in Control. It’s Mine!

My life, My Journey, I am in control of My Joy…..and nobody else is to be held responsible!

you tried it

Surely been there, no real JOY……happiness dipping in and out as people moved around in my life.

Joy is something that no one can take away from you. It is cultivated internally, it is intertwined with your personal spiritual journey, it is YOUR achieved peace of mind; a personal experience. This cannot be taken away by people or situations that temporarily move through your life.

Then there is HAPPINESS….this is determined by external factors, people, material possessions; a temporary beautiful emotion. Happiness also enhances the quality of life and changes your mood; a wonderful feeling of bliss. I mean who doesn’t love that feeling? I sure do!

Relationships ( of all types) are a part of life. They are inevitable and we all form them. Relationships will tug on your emotions; your partner will make you feel like you’re on cloud nine and irritate your entire being all in the same day!

Who and what trigger your emotions? Do they make you mostly happy, or mostly sad? These are questions to ask yourself when deciding if to keep people and situations relevant in your life.

Find yourself before sharing yourself. You cannot give of yourself what you do not have for yourself.

positive vibes

Ummm, do I need Negative Nancy or Bad Vibes Bob that continuously discourages me when my ideas and dreams are put forward?

I think NOT!

Here are three ways to know if you are on the right path to finding your inner peace:

  1. The urge to respond to people that offend or hurt you has decreased dramatically.
  2. Your life have a sense of direction geared towards achieving your goals at your own pace.
  3. You are selective in choosing who become relevant in your life.

Pick your inner circle wisely. The sweet feeling of joy and happiness is indescribable!

Sincerely, Tee